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It began a few weeks ago when the Five Minute Friday prompt word was "HOME". At reading my prompt word I had no inspirational feelings towards my heavenly home. I had no feelings of gratitude for the earthly home that God had provided for me (this is an amazing story that I will save for a later time). Instead I was careening into a pit of self pity, feeling overwhelmed and alone in the responsibility of keeping and caring for my home. 

I started to write that day however after being interrupted several times (which I allowed to irritate me and push me further into the deep, dark pit that I had dug for myself), I gave up. The next day I returned to finish my writing. Reading the words I had written the day before all I could see was bitter anger.
A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike  Proverbs 27:15

Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife. Proverbs 21:19

I hung my head in shame of the bitter, angry person that I was becoming and silently cried out, "Oh, God, when will I ever learn?" 

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. 
Matthew 6:14-15

I can't cry out, "Forgive me Father for I know not what I do!" I KNOW. But my old habits, my old sin-filled self somehow clings...well, quite honestly it is clinging to self - self-righteousness, pride, stubbornness - all of which results in a bitter, ungrateful woman in which I am ashamed of. A woman whose role I have unfortunately played well. 

That shame has kept me from writing. I was ashamed to allow anyone to see the dark pit the I had created. I was scared of what I could spew out. I was scared of being a "bad influence", of contaminating the thoughts of any who may read my words (often times when others begin complaining it's easy to join in). 

So I've been quiet here of late. Last week's Five Minute Friday word was "BROKEN". Yes. Yes, broken. A word that describes me well.
I am broken but in Him I have been set FREE! I can grasp tight to have control of my life, my way but if I loosen the grip and let go, HE carries my burdens and fills my heart with joy. HE FIXES MY BROKENNESS! (can I hear an AMEN!?)

At church on Good Friday the congregation was invited to write on a slip of paper the sins, the obstacles that we needed to lay at the cross. I listed many words and prayed for God to remove each from my life.
After taking communion we were instructed to tear the slip of paper (torn like the curtain at the moment of Jesus' death) and throw it away. This was powerful for me. Jesus died for my sins...even these sins in which I daily struggle with. I felt humbled yet so loved by my savior. Without Jesus I'm just a broken, worthless sinner but in Him I have been REDEEMED!

Ephesians 1:4-10
For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. 

In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—  to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. 

In him we have redemption through his blood,the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. 

With all wisdom and understanding, he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ. 


I'm linking up with Lisa Jo's, Five Minute Friday since this was inspired by her word prompt of "broken" however I didn't follow any of the rules. Five minutes just won't have covered everything I needed to say. :)
Five Minute Friday


  1. These words could have come from my own mouth many a time. I love the idea of ripping the words, tearing the veil in two....freeing us from our sins, visually, reminding us what God has already done!

    Stopping by from Five Minute Friday.

  2. How I understand your struggle with being a wife who forgives and is kind and loving. I spent time sobbing to that song, "Need You Now," just recently. You are not alone. And what is brought into the light cannot hide in the darkness, so bless you for sharing your heart!

    I love this:
    "But now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ," (Ephesians 2:13 NASB).

    We have been brought near to God through Jesus, so all things are made new. Our enemy does not want us to walk in that truth, he wants us to be selfish and hold grudges and spread strife. And he wants to destroy our marriages.

    But we cannot let him win! The same power that raised Christ from the dead dwells in us, so there is nothing impossible for Him!

    May you feel the power of God strong in you as you surrender in your weakness.

    visiting from FMF.


    1. Yes, I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me! :)

      Thank you for visiting, Selena!

  3. Thank you for your honesty, Laurie - it's hard to admit the ugly stuff, huh? I can relate to most of those words on your list, and it's hard, not to hang our heads in shame... but praise God, there is abundant grace and forgiveness for us every moment we struggle. We have such a loving Father. And for the record, I rarely follow the FMF rules, except for the prompt! ;-)

    1. Oh, I am so thankful for the grace and forgiveness that He bestows! Since writing I've been focusing on this goodness rather than the "ugly stuff". I've found that in praising Him I am lifted out of the pit. :)
      Thank you for stopping by, Amber!


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